I love autumn because it's when all the little buggies, creepies-and-crawlies and other shelled vermin die. They go down to the side of the Grand Canyon and they say goodbye to their loved ones before throwing themselves off the edge. At the bottom many millions of dollars are used to scoop out millions of little graves for these things and they are put to rest forever. These mass suicides happen because the bug-heads know they can't take the grueling toil an NFL season inflicts on the body. They would rather die.
Autumn first started in 1954. President Eisenhower called a secret meeting with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and they discussed things like Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Labor Day, the color white, whether white was actually even a color. Things like that. They came out of the meeting both agreeing that autumn should be here for all of us.
The first autumn was a hard one. Many people died because they did not set their clocks backwards and the extra sun killed them. There were riots, food fights, arm wrestles, you name it. All caused by this new fangled autumn that no one even knew about! Eventually they got through it and autumn stayed around. Much to the chagrin of bug lovers everywhere.
No comments:
Post a Comment